FALLING IN LOVE

1. The Mystery of the "In-Love" Case
 The 'in love' syndrome is not necessarily true love as yet.
 Love is an illusive aspect: it's a mirage.
 People build illusive dreams about marital bliss. When this dream ends, then real love starts to build up because you know exactly who they are.
 Based on how much they compromise, their love will change and either grow stronger, or lead to a break-up.
 You have to try to maintain the signs of love for they nurture love

Theories on Love:
The Love Tank Theory (by Gary Chapman): Love is like a gas tank. Men wait until the pointer is on empty, and even then they say, I've still got a few more miles on this, so they wait until the tank is completely empty before they stop to get gas.

What happens if there are no gas stations around?!
Women on the other hand, start panicking before the pointer reaches even the half-way line. In love and
marriage, you need to refill often; don't wait until the pointer's on empty, or even on half. Keep refilling; never let your love run out.

The Love Bank Theory: When a couple gets married, it is like opening a joint bank account. Each spouse makes deposits into that account. After a while they start withdrawing, always thinking that they
Have enough to cover them and they don't deposit anything in return. You have to deposit into your love bank account or else you won't have any credit left to withdraw from!


Love is Truly a Mystery:
We learned earlier that Bani Udra were a very passionate people that would sometimes die because of their passionate love. Also, it is reported that Zaid ibn Thaabit (ra) led the janaza prayer over a person who
had died from being in love. There is clearly something going on here. Love ultimately seems to be something that only Allah (swt) holds the secrets to.


2. What Harms Love?
 Exploitation of love itself: "If you love me, then ..." People use love as a commodity. It's not something you use to bargain with.
 Infidelity- if someone chooses to marry a second wife, he jeopardizes his first relationship.
 Acts of disrespect: very dangerous. Once you hurt his dignity and respect, he's gone forever.
 The slanderer.
 Long unnecessary separations: definitely hurts; 'Umar asked the women how long they could stay without their husbands, and they replied maximum 6 months, so he made a rule that every mujahid could stay on an expedition no longer than 6 months.
 Contemporary technology: TV and PC- don't have them in the bedroom, if at all. The bedroom is a place of relaxation and relationship building with your wife. There should be no distractions and inattentiveness
towards your spouse.



3. Decency or Indecency
 Love doesn't necessarily equal haraam actions or indecency.

4. What is Real Love?
When Amr ibn Al-Aas asked the Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him)
“Who is most beloved to you? He said: "Aisha." I said: What about among men? He said: "Her father." I said: And then who? He said: "Then Umar ibn Al-Khattab” …
(alBukhari and Muslim).

Imam az-Zuhri said: “The first love story ever know in the history of Islam was the love of Rasoolullah (Peace Be Upon Him) for ‘Aisha, and Masrouq used to call her,‘the love of Rasoolullah’” (Ibn al-Qayyim).

1. Infidelity in Western family life
 Very common in this society.

2. Muslims at the Doorstep of the Western Version of Marriage, Why?
 We delay marriage, and then on campus we do "friend-marriages" where you secretly marry someone you meet on campus.


 Reasons why they do these kinds of things:
 Adherence to culture more than Shari'ah
 Lack of knowledge- we need to know our responsibilities toward our spouses

3. The Real Love Story
Romantic love always equals pain and an unhappy ending e.g. Qays (Majnun)-Laila:
Qays and Laila were cousins who were in love with each other. Qays left on a business trip to prove himself, but when he came back, he discovered that his uncle had married off Laila to another man. Qays went totally crazy, and would just wander in the desert creating beautiful poetry about his love.

Rasulullah and Khadijah: She supported his mission with an open heart and was blessed to have all but one of his children.
'Aisha narrates: "I was not jealous of any other wife of the Prophet as I was jealous of Khadijah, because of his constant mentioning of her and because Allah had commanded him to give her good tidings of a mansion in Paradise of precious stones. And whenever he sacrificed a sheep he would send a fair portion of it to those who had been her intimate friends. Many a time I said to him: "It is as if there had never been any other woman in the world except Khadijah.”

She also narrates: Once, when I complained and asked why he spoke so highly of "an old Qurayshi woman", the Prophet was hurt and said: "She was the wife who believed in me when others rejected me. When people belied me, she affirmed my truthfulness. When I stood forsaken, she spent her wealth to lighten the burden of my sorrow.”

Rasulullah and 'Aisha: Rasulullah expressed his love for 'Aisha truly and genuinely, and she enjoyed him as much as he enjoyed her. Khadija or Aisha?
Scholars disagreed on which of the two Rasulullah loved most; however, Ibn Taymiyyah stated that since they were not of the same time, there is no comparison to be made. Khadijah was the best for her time, when Rasulullah needed her, and 'Aisha was the best for her time. 'Aisha, however, can be compared to his other wives, and she is clearly his favorite among them.